June 2008 also marked a time of excitement for the church because we now had a youth pastor. It had been almost two years that the kids had gone without one. It also meant that I could possibly have friends within the leadership outside of the Pastors and Associate Pastor. At this time, I was really feeling the pressure of constantly being scrutinized by my Pastors. If I said anything to the Associate Pastor he would go and convey it to the Senior Pastor. Everything I ever said, even to the core members of the church, went up the chain of command. Within the church there was an informant hierarchy that no one could escape from. Nothing was kept in confidence within the walls of that church.
Soon after the Youth Pastor and his wife joined our dysfunctional leadership team, I quickly felt extremely sorry for them. The Leadership was constantly nagging the young man for everything. This young man was reprimanded for everything and for nothing. The long list of complaints against him seemed endless. His suit was wrinkled, his shoes had paint on them, he missed a spot while painting the youth room, the darkening screen had fallen off the door and didn’t he know that meant someone could see into the building and steal our equipment, his wife was too quiet, she didn’t dress right, she wasn’t engaging enough with the kids, he couldn’t play the guitar well enough…. The list of complaints went on and on and the longer the list got the more I desired to reach out to them.
I started keeping my steamer and lint brush in my office just to help the two of them pass the “physical appearance” hurdle every Sunday morning. It wasn’t like these two were sloppy people because they weren’t, but it was like the Leadership had it out for them from day one. There was nothing these two could possibly ever get right in their eyes.
The constant rebukes that these two faced only increased my compassion towards them and it wasn’t long before the three of us had formed a bond of friendship. I had their back and they had mine. Within the confines of our friendship there was the knowing that these two would keep my confidence.
None of their complaints have anything to do with church, God, spirituality, religion or friendship. I am mortified at the treatment of you and these other victims. It sounds as though this church takes people at their most vulnerable and makes them weak to their ways.
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