The Blessings I Received

Before I get into all the nitty, gritty, nasty stuff that was really at the center of the spiritual abuse cake, the icing and the sprinkles too, I want to reflect upon the blessings that I did receive while I was at my old church.
I received a few things that were invaluable to me and I’d like to express that not everything was awful and terrible at that church. If there weren’t some good times, and every day that I spent there was unbearable, I wouldn’t have stayed. The problem was more with the underlying sludge that was at the bottom of their river of intentions. The water seemed relatively clear on the surface until you stepped into the middle of the river and your feet sank into two feet of river sludge, squishing and oozing between your toes as your feet sank deeper and finally getting logged, vacuum sealed in a thick blanket of muck. It was the things that I found at the edge and surface of the river that caused me to stay. There was that constant hope that the good things that I experienced would not be tainted by the sludge. Some of the good things I received did get a little mucky, but with God’s help I’ve been able to wash off the mud and continue on.
One thing that I did receive was an opportunity to walk into the ministry that God had called me into. Not many churches or church leaders would have given me the opportunity to lead worship and develop my gifts the way they did. God used them to grant me the opportunity to grow as a worship leader and as a minister and for that I am grateful.
Through that church I was also able to attend Bible School. Had I not been there I probably would have never received the opportunity to continue my education in the field that is closest to my heart. I probably would have never pursued the education on my own either. God again used them to help me to grow and succeed in my goals to become a minister.
At the beginning of the ministry, when the sludge wasn’t quite so deep, I did receive a lot of good teaching that helped me learn to stand upon the Word of God. I learned to trust God in that church. That is one more way that God used them to impact my life. At one time, that church was also like a family to me, dysfunctional as it was. When I had no close family to rely on they were there for me. They would buy us groceries when we were financially struggling and kept encouraged me when things were tough and Chris and I were struggling in our marriage. So there again, God used them to help support me.
The problem never lied with the good things that they did for me and my family, like helping us out financially, helping me through school, caring for our kids, giving me an opportunity to grow in my callings and giftings, or supporting me like a family would. The problem was they received, and kept for themselves, the glory of doing those things for us. Not too long after I left the church I received a phone call from the Pastor’s wife and the main theme of the conversation was the long list of things that they had done for us. It was almost like an accounts payable list. Apparently, I hadn’t settled my tab when I left. I guess five years of ministry and servitude wasn’t enough.
The downfall of a ministry always starts when we start taking the glory of our accomplishments and heaping it upon ourselves instead of placing the glory where it rightly belongs, at the feet of God. I’ve accomplished a lot of good things in my life, but I also know that I could have done none of it without God having my back.
So to end this post, I just want to give the glory to God and say “thank-you Father for leading me to that church where I received so much blessing and thank-you for leading me out of that church so I could receive so much more. Thank-you Lord for moving upon their hearts to encourage me and bless me when I needed it most. Thank-you for leading others to take their place, as encouragers and supporters, that will help me to continue to grow and to follow Your call and Your will. Thank-you for teaching me what it means to be a disciple and minister of Christ that is motivated by love and compassion. All I can say is thank-you.”