That Sunday
afternoon, just as our Pastor was leaving on a mission trip for 10
days, he called to let me know that I would not have to lead worship
in the month of May. I told him that was fine as I was stepping down
anyway!
He was shocked. I
asked him if he knew about the altercation with the Director and he
said no. I only got to tell him three of the nasty comments that the
Director said to me and the Pastor was so floored and said he
couldn’t believe it. I told him that my son was a witness to the
whole conversation as it was on speaker phone. Geoff and I made him
promise that the Director would not be notified and this would be
dealt with as soon as the Pastor got back. He made us promise not to
tell anyone I had stepped down.
Well the Pastor did
not keep his word at all and we found out from his wife a day later
that they had an emergency meeting that very same night and the Elder
was indeed informed and denied it all.
The next morning I
received a notification that I was removed as a worship leader from
the scheduling program the church used. Within an hour I was asked by
our close friend in the worship arts department if I’d stepped
down. I refused to lie and said yes. This member also knew that the
other worship leader was also stepping down (I had nothing to do with
that decision and it was just coincidental and I’m not completely
sure as to his reasons). So this man messaged the Pastor and his wife
saying he was concerned and asked why were both worship leaders
removed or stepping down. Well that prompted a very interesting
conversation with the pastor’s wife where she accused me of having
a “seed of division” in me.
The conversation was
all cordial. I wasn’t going to be rude, but everything she said,
although said in a sweet manner, with the air of false concern, was
direct spiritual abuse. She informed me that I misunderstood
everything the Director had said and sometimes this Director can get
passionate, but he never yelled at me, nor said such hateful things
to me. I wasn’t even allowed to tell her the conversation I’d had
with the Director. The only thing she knew was the few phrases I’d
told her husband. I told her my son was there and the phone was on
speaker but to her that didn’t matter and that was completely
glossed over as if I’d never spoken. She claimed it never happened
that way and then explained how I was forbidden to step down as a
worship leader. I was told I was in sin for doing so, and because of
this “seed of division” in me that I was to submit myself under
their leadership and all managing responsibilities were to be taken
from me and that the Elder and the returning Elder from Deployment
would take upon the responsibilities of picking who played with me,
what songs I was singing and my song list. She detailed how I would
go through a restoration process until the “seed of division” was
no longer found in me.
So in my mind, I
have this internal dialogue going on… “So, let me get this
straight, I get yelled at and screamed at by an Elder who literally
just disqualified himself from ministry, who acted like a demon
possessed man, and you are going to tell me that not only did it not
happen that way, despite having a witness, that I’m supposed to
submit myself to some cult like reconditioning process and the man
with the clear outburst of anger who has gone off on people like this
before gets away with it and you guys are going to do absolutely
nothing?!? Yeah, I’m so outta here! Now, I just have to convince my
future husband and pray, pray, pray, how to get out of this with our
heads held high.” All the while, I just did the customary “uh
huh’s” and I listened and told her that me stepping down was firm
and I would not be reconsidering it. She asked me to pray about it
and I said I have and would continue to do so.
I then asked that we
put everything aside for now because I just wanted to get married to
man I loved. To that she agreed.
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