Common theme: Unrepentance!

So out of all the churches that I've witnessed spiritual abuse in there is a very common theme of unrepentant leaders. I've talked to many, many leaders and former volunteers from many abusive churches across this nation and in other nations and the theme of unrepentance never ever changes. In both churches that I was a part of, the one I left in 2009 and the one I left in 2018, I (or my husband) had confronted leadership and they were completely unrepentant and didn't acknowledge their ongoing sin.
There's also a theme of sexual perversion in a lot of cases. Pastors preying on young women is a common theme that I've heard from multiple people, in multiple churches, but it's not always the Pastor, but the pastor's wife that has been  involved in some of the cases I've heard of. Also controlling aspects of ones finances is another common thread. I've heard stories about forcing people to take lesser paying jobs, or selling their homes and moving onto Pastor controlled property. I've heard about covenants being signed to tithe certain amounts. I could tell story after story of spiritual abuse.

In every person's story, there was always a confrontation, exposing the Leader's sin, them not repenting and the victim being forced to leave and the abuse continues, to someone else.

Something else that is common is an attempt to lure the victims back into the fold! I have talked to spiritual abuse victims and it's common that they get messages for months, even years after, trying to get them to come back. It's usually the ones that didn't make a big fuss when they left. They will prey on the less outspoken one of a couple. I chuckle because no one has ever tried to lure me back because I'm way to vocal and I think they know it! My willingness to be transparent and poke the bear with my story and knowledge of spiritual abuse makes me an unlikely candidate to come back. But the Pastor's wife did try to lure my husband back. He's nicer than I am! I'll flat out tell someone they are manipulating and call them out on it. It's rare that I do that and I've only done it less than a handful of times but for some reason people see that about me and don't test that. Now with my husband, they underestimate him completely; He will confront them, they just don't think he will!
Anyway....I've watched some Pastors try and lure their victims back in with statements like, "I'm only hard on the ones with the most potential", "you're like a son/daughter/brother/sister to me", or they will use flattery about your gifts or talents and how they can't do stuff without you (I got that one before I left, not after).
Another tactic that an abusive Leader will use to lure you back in is using your common friends who are still attending to try and bring "reconciliation".
We had that happen to us. A couple tried to bring reconciliation between us and the Pastor and his wife about 2 months after we had left the church. They talked to us and we told them our story and our "why we left", but it was extremely clear that they had been told a completely different story as they repeated the rhetoric that the Pastor's wife had tried to feed me in that I'd misunderstood the Director's tone and misheard his words. I quickly corrected them but it was very clear they had been fed a bunch of lies. They pleaded with us that the Pastor and his wife desired reconciliation, but we both asked them point blank, then why did the Pastor give a very heated NO, when Geoff had pleaded with him for that very thing. Geoff had asked for the Pastor to meet with me and he vehemently refused! We asked them if they wanted restoration why had they refused a meeting to do so and why hadn't they reached out to us themselves. We also told them about the Pastor's wife's comments on facebook of "Praise God, he pruned our vine", and me sending screenshots to the pastor and his lack of response. If they had wanted to truly reconcile, we had given them numerous chances; four chances in fact. One with the initial confrontation before men's group, two with our resignation letter, another with my text to the pastor about his wife's behavior on facebook and lastly, when they returned our equipment. You could even count a fifth time when they returned the missing equipment. Also one of the Elders lives directly behind our house. I can see into their kitchen window from mine! So it's not as if there were all these obstacles to reconciliation that made it impossible, it was that they weren't interested in reconciling in the first place because that would require accountability and repentance.
In order to have reconciliation in any damaged relationship, first their must be repentance, and then accountability for sin. It is impossible to have intimacy and trust without truth.  So without transparency, without truth, without trust, without repentance, without love, it's impossible to have real relationship. If all those things are one sided and the other is only seeking their own gain, just imagine how toxic that relationship would be. What was eventually revealed in our relationships with our former leaders was toxic. We witnessed secrecy, covering of truth, lies and purposeful misinformation, unrepentance and willful, intentional sin, complete selfishness and actions for self gratification at the expense of others and all of those things are not godly, nor are they beneficial or healthy in any way. So, after praying we knew that reconciliation wasn't going to happen. We just felt so deeply grieved that our friends were so deceived. So we stepped back from our friendships with those still at that church, and stayed silent to them, instead pouring out our petitions for their safety from spiritual abuse to the Lord.

"Friends don't let friends drive drunk"

I heard the quote "friends don't let friends drive drunk" this morning in my pastor's message, and already I had been pondering the question of What is NOT classified as Spiritual Abuse? From Sunday School until this afternoon that question has been rumbling, and turning over in my brain and I realized on this blog I have never answered that question. I have a need to answer that question now because  many people say they have been "hurt by the church". The other morning as I wrote my post on touching an Idol, I realized people no longer tolerate good solid biblical teaching nor do many want it. I've witnessed first hand that people get very uncomfortable around an uncompromising message that pushes the believer to take a stand and  to take action. The Christian world is now full of this watered down gospel that is politically correct, doesn't address sin, or encourage holiness, but preaches this "gospel" of love everyone and be tolerant of sin and many so called "believers" whine and cry, like a baby with a soiled diaper that they've been "hurt by the church" because someone said something they didn't want to hear! Solid biblical teachers get this label of being hateful, and are often called Pharisees for preaching the truth of Scripture.

So let's address that question. What is NOT classified as Spiritual Abuse?
The simple answer is church discipline. What is church discipline? Church discipline is where a person in spiritual authority will address sin in someone's life like in Matthew 18:15-18. We are to go to our brothers and sisters in Christ first privately, and then take two or three witnesses, then address it to the whole church if the brother doesn't repent and we are to treat them like an unbeliever if they do not repent and honestly, according to 1 Corinthians 5, not have fellowship with them. So we are talking about unrepentant sin here. Not some type of offense of carpet color swatches in the church or whether the AC is set too high or low. We aren't talking about some petty offense, we are talking about is your brother or sister in Christ in adultery, or involved in drugs, or drunkenness, or abusing their children or spouse, or being involved in sexual sin of any kind outside of marriage between a man and a woman! I have come to realize that some people leave the church in offense over petty things and some people leave the church because someone cared enough to say something about the dangers of the sin they were involved in.
Ezekiel 33-1-6 talks about the watchman on the wall, and if the watchman sees the encroaching army ready to destroy his city and he sounds the trumpet to warn the people and no one responds, then the watchman is absolved of any guilt; the blood of the people is upon their own heads! Now, if the watchman sees the army, does nothing, and says nothing and the people die, then the watchman is guilty of the deaths of every living soul that was slaughtered. They never stood a chance because they didn't know.
Teachers and Preachers are the watchman standing upon the city wall. Your friends should be a watchman in your life as well. If they love you and care for you, would they not pull you back, yanking you away from a precipice that you were about to stumble and plummet to your death?
Romans 6:23 says: For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
So, just focusing on that first part "the wages of sin of death". If you work for Sin, the payment is death. You will experience death in all your relationships. If you don't believe this is true, then take a few minutes and ask the spouse or child of an alcoholic and ask them if they have a loving, beneficial relationship with their alcoholic spouse or parent. That sin of drunkenness robbed them of a life giving, beneficial relationship and you won't find a person alive that says that sin didn't pay with a slow, agonizing death because that person was a slave to it's master, drunkenness. It not only kills relationships, but it kills the host as well!
I tell my kids all the time that sin, unrepentant sin, is a slow death to every relationship in your life. I watched it kill my first marriage with his porn addiction and his drunkenness. His relationship with me ended and his relationship with his children is shallow at best! His continued service to his Sins, produced all manner of death, in the form of more sin, abuse, adultery and addiction.
So back on task. So if I'm a watchman, a friend, a person in relationship, or even in some type of authority in your life and I say to you, "my friend, my brother, I see that this sin in your life is going to cause calamity, and I see the cliff that you are heading towards and I'm warning you, my dear friend that disaster is imminent" and you turn your back on me in favor of your sin, in complete rebellion, what I did for you was not spiritual abuse, but a loving act of kindness. I cared enough for you, to warn you and to keep you from harms way. This is love, especially if I risk not having relationship with you by telling you the truth!  Then scripture calls us to cut fellowship, as hard as that is for us to do if we walk in obedience. More often than not though, the unrepentant brother will leave the church in offense claiming he or she was spiritually abused or "hurt by the church".
Are you that brother or sister who left in offense because someone confronted your sin?

I honestly can say that I did not leave any church because I was confronted with my sin and unrepentant. This is a question we have to ask ourselves when we talk about "church hurt". Was I in unrepentant sin, or did I leave because of real abuse?

Just so there's clarity, there was a "church discipline" meeting with the leaders of my old church and my husband concerning me, and I'm certain the leaders felt justified in their attack, but it wasn't done biblically and there were no witnesses either, just false accusations. We tried to bring correction and discipline numerous times to the leadership of that church with witnesses and I did go to them numerous times personally, but nothing was ever done about and they were unrepentant. Many of us did. There were emails that bore testimony, text messages, eye witness personal accounts and yet all of it was dismissed. The only thing left was to bring it forth in front of the congregation which none of us who left had opportunity to do.

One thing I know for sure, is there can be no reconciliation without repentance. We can't even be reconciled to God without repentance and a true believer's life is characterized by that of repentance. We cannot have salvation without repentance.
Church discipline is meant to bring about repentance and reconciliation and the whole reason it's brought before the church is so that the person can fully see the weight of that lost fellowship with not only God, but with their brothers and sisters in Christ. It should tear at their hearts and in an abuse situation church discipline isn't about love, but control and that is truly how you see the difference.

I'll end with this: There was a woman, in an abusive church, who was getting bogged down with all the many responsibilities the church had weighted her down with. She was being abused and taken advantage of by the ministry director she was under and this man spoke to her regularly with disdain and insisted she be there, rain or shine, sickness or health, and even putting her family's well being aside to do this person's will. She was a very useful and knowledgeable person in this ministry, but she wasn't the only one who could do the task; she was just the most pliable. So tiring of the abuse, lies and manipulation under the hand of this director, she went to the Pastor's wife and said that wanted to step down from doing that ministry for a while as she was burnt out. The Pastor's wife told her she was in sin for stepping down and the "Lord" had told her so. There was no sin in this woman. What was Sin was the Pastor's wife manipulating and using witchcraft and false prophecy to control this woman and force her will upon another. The woman was so defeated that she went back to doing the very ministry she was tired from, even more burdened, now believing she was under the yoke of sin, if she didn't do it because someone lied and said "God said" when He never said. She is now more burdened than she was prior, and is now in bondage to a works based salvation. She must keep participating in this ministry or risk "being in sin".
That story is spiritual abuse. In both my case and the case of this other women, a false form of church discipline was used as a form of control.
Discern though rightly, whether someone is coming to you in love because you are involved in a sinful lifestyle, or whether this is abusive control? Not every correction or confrontation in the church is spiritual abuse.

Removing Yourself from influence of toxic fellowship

So, I had a conversation with someone today about cutting people out your life and this applies to the topic of spiritual abuse because there’s a common theme of spiritually abusive leaders: they don’t repent. I believe it necessary to remove yourself from the influence of false teachers and those who abuse spiritually.

So in the original conversation I had quoted 1 Corinthians 5 as to why we shouldn’t fellowship with those in unrepentant sin. And she responded asking me to share my thoughts on 1 Corinthians 15, Matthew 18 and 2 Corinthians 2 and this was the response:

So the Verse that jumped out at me from 1 Corinthians 15 was:

I Corinthians 15:33,34 Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good habits. Awake to righteousness and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame.

The entire chapter is addressing the issue of false teaching brought into the church against the resurrection. Basically denying that Jesus could have been raised from the dead and denying the deity of Christ. That’s interesting since it’s the very issue I have issue with with a big name church with international exposure and most people don’t realize that they preach against the deity of Christ, teaching that Jesus was JUST a man in right standing with God, which is a false teaching. But that’s a side note. This passage has more to do with a particular false teaching than anything else. But concerning your topic of cutting people out of our lives, we should be cautious and not deceived by those who follow and preach false teachings so I’d advise not to keep company with those people.

My advice isn’t to cut people off who differ in small things, like how women should dress in church, but in foundational doctrines of truth, like whether they deny the deity of Christ, the Trinity, or whether or not spiritual gifts are required for salvation! I would call that the Jesus plus something else gospel. For example the Jews insisting the gentiles be circumcised. That’s a works based gospel. There are some minor doctrines that John MacArthur and R.C Sproul argued about, like infant baptism, but they were great, great friends and brothers in Christ! Their banter on the topic makes me laugh! Their love was great towards one another despite their doctrinal differences, but on key issues, these men were aligned in unity.

Going on to Matthew 18. There’s a lot going on in there. Jesus warns of those luring those into SIN and it would be better if a person drowned with a millstone around their neck if they lead one of the little ones, children, or babes in Christ, as this portion suggests, astray into sin. This part is a warning to the disciples, and to us, not to be a person with a lifestyle of sin, that leads others into sin. I think people often forget that first part and focus on the offense part. Offense was sin. And the word offense in the scripture isn’t talking about our feelings getting hurt, which is what we often think of today.

Jesus is addressing leaders in this context, his leaders, his disciples, not to be the kind of men that lead others to sin.

So then there’s the parable of the lost sheep and I’m going to skip that so as to not be long winded and move onto dealing with a sinning brother. This is like I said prior about cutting those off from fellowship if they are unrepentant in their sin and like the verse I quoted at the top, evil company corrupts good habits. Then we look at the parable of the unforgiving servant. The gist of this passage is this man was forgiven a debt, but then refused to forgive someone else for an even lesser debt and was ungracious and unwilling. He was the man who was “caught” in his sin, but truly wasn’t repentant, because if he was repentant he would have realized that he was forgiven much and would have extended that same grace to another. There’s the rub with those who are sorry because they got caught and those who are sorry because they truly sinned. The Caught man plays the blame game, The repentant man humbles himself and gives grace to others.

So putting the whole chapter into context, in light of your topic, is the person a Caught man or a Repentant man and if he’s not the repentant man we should treat him as an unbeliever and whenever we have contact with them, if possible, we should share with them the gospel, also we should examine our own lives to see if we are leading others into sin, like Jesus warned with the millstone. How close are your non Christian friends? Our fellowship, closest friends should be with other Christians because bearing our soles to a dead man is a one way street. The dead man has really nothing to give you. We are dead in our sins apart from Christ. I accidentally looked up 1 Corinthians 2 instead of 2 Corinthians, but there was a verse that applied to what I just said. That chapter is talking about Spirit to Spirit and not going by man’s wisdom. In Verse 13 it says: These things we also speak, not in words, which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual. That’s why I said what I said about the dead man. We, as Christians, if we are true believers, are alive in Christ and those who are not are spiritually dead. So when it comes to great relationships and growth, our best, closest and most intimate friendships should be with those who bring growth in our lives by speaking God kind of life. You can’t get life from a dead man.

Ok. So the last passage you presented for me. That one really spoke to me as there’s so much beauty in that passage. Paul’s heart as he grieves because he couldn’t find his brother Titus is precious. Also Paul admonishes the Corinthian church to give grace and forgive a brother and comfort him because it’s obvious in this passage Paul doesn’t want this BROTHER to be consumed by his sorrow. So commentaries I read all agree, that this brother was someone who had church discipline enacted against him because of his sin. Some commentaries suggest it was the incestuous man in 1 Cor 5, the exact portion I quoted. How interesting that this comes full circle! So the purpose of church discipline is always repentance and restoration and in this passage of scripture it’s clear, the discipline the church enacted worked and this man is clearly repentant so Paul is telling the church to forgive his transgressions and show the man love! What a beautiful, example of restoration! So there’s a common theme of repentance and having a heart towards repentance! Wow, if we all walked in repentance continually, then many relationships would be restored. But there are cases where there are those who refuse to repent and refuse to see their sin and for those cases I live by and teach my children Romans 12:18

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men!

Do what you are called to do, if it’s at all possible, as much as depends on you, focus on yourself walking in repentance and forgiveness. Leave all the rest to God. But no where do I see where we have to have close intimate fellowship with someone who intends to bring harm, who is living in unrepentant, rebellious sin, or false teaching that leads to sin, especially if they claim to be a brother or sister in Christ. We are to treat them as if they are unbelievers, and have our speech seasoned with grace and present the gospel to them whenever possible. The truth will always be a stumbling block to some and the truth of the gospel is even a stumbling block to those who profess to be believers but may really not be. So many, many facets here. Hope I helped.

Touch not thine anointed: oops touched your idol!

So earlier today, I may or may not have touched someone’s idol of Bethel church. They deleted my comment when I mentioned Bethel and Bethel’s link and endorsement to the occult. The person went on to comment that they would delete any and all comments that had identifiers to particular ministries or if people used names in their post as examples. That’s all fine and that’s their choice on their social media page. BUT...it got me thinking about other times people haven’t been too happy with me for pointing out false teaching and they have responded in anger spouting the verse “touch not thine anointed”, warning me that some calamity will befall me for calling out their favored teacher. I’m bringing this up because so many, even if they don’t quote the verse, have this strong aversion to calling out those who preach a false gospel and that’s what I feel like I encountered this morning. This verse is often used by those to protect and justify actions of themselves and the ministries they follow; to deny culpability. This verse is most often used by the false prophets and teachers themselves.

First off we have to look at the context of that verse and the entire verse itself. I Chronicles 16:7 “Do not touch my anointed ones, And do My prophets no harm”

Simple enough. If you go read the verses surrounding it we see this is a song of thanksgiving that David sang.

So who does that verse apply to? Who does it not apply to? It applies to Kings and legitimate Prophets, those set apart for God’s service.

Ok, so who does it not apply to? FALSE PROPHETS AND TEACHERS. What is a qualifier as a false prophet or teacher? A Prophet, a true prophet according to scripture has to be 100 Percent accurate all the time! They cannot be wrong and if they are they are to be put to death! A False teacher is anyone who preaches a different gospel than the one already laid in Christ, the foundational truths, and according to Galations 1:8 let him be accursed!

The entire book of Galatians is Paul Imploring the Galatian church not to fall into works of the law. In Galatians 3:1, Paul cries out, “Who has bewitched you that you should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed among you as crucified?

I John, Jude, 1 and 2^nd Timothy all address false teaching. Ephesians does as well. Actually, if you look closely throughout the entire BIBLE, it addresses this issue over and over again. In the old Testament it was Baal worship and the worship to Ashtura and the ashtura poles, in the New Testament it was Gnostic teachings (special knowledge), humanism and a returning to the law and a works based salvation. Some even claimed that Jesus wasn’t resurrected, nor was he diety. I John 2:22,23 Who is a liar but he who denies that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist who denies the Father and the Son. Whoever denies the Son does not have the Father either; he who acknowledges the Son has the Father also.

So, where does Bethel come into this? They preach that Jesus was the Christ right? Yes, and no.

It’s the no part which makes what they preach another gospel that is accursed. They actually preach that Jesus was JUST a man in right standing with God. That he put aside his divinity here on earth. That Jesus was NOT God here on earth. Wait What? Yup….Jesus was just a man according to Bill Johnson.

He preaches on it and he teaches it over and over in his books. He’s denying the deity of Christ. Go research it for yourself. I don’t like doing all the leg work for people because when learning, the best way to learn, is to dig for yourself! Go do some digging!

So if that’s not enough for you, go research grave sucking and “christian” tarot card readings taught in their schools of ministry, or Bethel’s books that they endorse like the book “Physics of heaven”. This book written by Bethel leaders teaches about quantum mysticism using new age occult practices of sound, light, energy and vibrations! Is any of that preached or taught in the Bible? Where is it in scripture? It’s not! So should we be practicing these things or teaching them as truth when there’s no scriptural basis for any of it? No, absolutely Not!

Go research for yourself if Bethel church, it’s leaders, and those who endorse and support that ministry are biblical and have their teachings based upon scripture or not. If the answer is no, then don’t be upset when I touched your golden calf that you’ve set up as an idol, and called it a false god.

I’ve done the research. Have you?

Part 10: The "WHY"

So here’s my “WHY?”

I wrote most of this a few months ago and I’ve been praying about posting it ever since. I don’t ever plan on really promoting this on facebook or anything, but it stands as a reminder to others that spiritual abuse is wrong and it exists. My husband is better equipped to explain why spiritual abuse has it’s basis in false teaching. The Word of God is always twisted and used to promote an agenda in a church that has spiritually abusive leaders. But over the past few months I’ve watched the news articles about this church leader or that church leader denying their faith in God or being exposed in sin.

Well one particular leader spurred me into action and this story goes back to 2008. Todd Bentley is his name.

I remember the Lakeland Revival. I remember people from church urging me to go and make the trip to go see what was happening in that church and I remember not wanting to go and feeling very apprehensive about it all, even though I was in the Word of Faith movement at the time. So I didn’t go. Then only a few weeks later, the scandal broke in the news about Todd and his affair with his intern Jessa. They both claimed it was only an emotional affair but later it came out that it was indeed physical and that Todd was not seeking to reunite with his wife, but was leaving her. Todd, a few months later, married Jessa. Todd spent a short season out of ministry and around the same time as his marriage to Jessa, relaunched into full time ministry. In less than a year, Todd was back in full swing.

Todd, clearly, was unfit for ministry. Todd had others come forward about sexual misconduct and nothing was done back in 2008 and 2009. No one publicly dealt with Todd or Jessa! He was fully supported by those he was supposed to be accountable to and the Word of God was set aside.

Fast forward to 2019. In June, a pastor came out with a scathing rebuke of Todd and Jessa and has proof of sexual harassment, sexual misconduct and debauchery that’s not even unheard of in unbelievers! Sodom and Gomorrah type stuff! I don’t think I need to describe it further. Aslo we aren’t talking about one or two people that this spiritual leader preyed upon, but we are into the double digits here!

All of this got me thinking about all the former leaders in that church that I’ve talked to. There’s a lot of us and the church is less than 5 years old! There’s four different Elder families that have left and six or more Leadership families that have left and every one of them have spoken to the Head Pastor and voiced concerns about misconduct and the common theme of his wife running the church. Not one of us has come out publicly that I know of. So people who don’t know are still trapped not knowing that the church where they attend is not a healthy place for them to be. I'll gladly be the scapegoat as I've worn that garment before with my first church staff position. (I'm still talked about and it's been 10 years!)

Going back to the Todd Bentley issue. Todd has people who are supposed to hold him accountable. None of them have. Rick Joyner is directly over Todd and Rick fully endorses Todd’s ministries. Side note: Rick Joyner, Todd Bentley and Bill Johnson, over Bethel, are all connected in ministry and endorse each other. Now if that doesn’t make you go “hmmmmm”.

So, all of us former Leaders have spoken to people privately, but never come out publicly. Paul, the apostle, called out publicly false teachers. He didn’t go into a long drawn out story as to why. But there’s precedence in scripture that we should call out false teachers. Even church discipline guidelines say that we should publicly out them if they don’t repent. Each of us former leaders have met with the Pastor about this issue or that issue, with evidence, with accusation and not once were things dealt with biblically by the Pastor. I know, based on scripture, that the men in leadership at that church as Elders are not fit for ministry. I know this based on the testimonies of more than 20 people and biblically we only need two or three.

My fear is that the Pastor, his wife and the other Elders, if not called into account publicly will be like Todd Bentley, worse years later. It’s also my hope that other former leaders will speak out or at least direct those wounded under this false ministry to my blog so they can find some healing in knowing that they aren’t alone. None of this is done maliciously. You’ll notice I don’t use names and present facts. Occasionally, I put my assumptions in there but I label them as such, even claiming that I do not know for sure. I did my best to write this out without emotionalism or bitterness.

This experience at that church wasn’t without blessings but it made me very aware that the problem of false teaching and spiritual abuse is rampant and we all need to be diligent to study the word of God for ourselves so we can see when someone is trying to lead us astray and use manipulation and witchcraft to control and destroy lives.

I conclude with this:

Luke 8:17 For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light.

Luke 12:1-3 Beware of the leaven of the pharisees, which is hypocrisy. But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed upon the housetops.

Part 9: The gossip

We’ve also had people who have left that church tell us they’ve heard gossip about us. The gist of the gossip is that Geoff and I demanded paid staff positions and when we were refused that we got upset and left. Also that we, of course, just like the other Elders and their wives who left before us, are in sin and that we are Pharisees and have no love and grace. The same story is told over and over about those who were once in leadership, who have since left. You can honestly interchange the names of the individuals, like those paper dress up dolls I used to play with as a kid. The same accusation fits every individual who has left. Isn’t that strange?

Actually, it’s not. It’s a common theme among those who spiritually abuse. They are never wrong and the fault always lies with someone else. If fault needs to be accepted it will be the very least grievous

fault possible in order to deflect from the greater sins that were exposed.

In all of this, with every former Leader I’ve spoken to since we left in May of 2018, there’s this common thread that the Pastor’s wife runs the church and it’s been joked about as the “church of (insert the Pastor’s wife’s name). Tools that she uses to make people comply are false prophecies and gossip spoken over people and about people. I had my own false prophecy of my death and destruction in a text message if I were to leave the church and not submit to their leadership.

The gossip was rampant and flowed out of her mouth like a dripping faucet, flowing into many conversations that I had with her and she seized every opportunity to tell me something about someone else. I was told about affairs of people I’d never met, but knew on facebook, I was told of financial trials, I was even told about sexual preferences of certain leaders in the church. All of it shocked me and made me feel uncomfortable. I wish I would have boldly spoken up and squashed it but I didn’t. My need and want for acceptance won out over my desire to stand in truth. I bring it out now so that people can identify and expose this common thread of gossip and false prophecy. All of it was aimed at promoting her authority and position over others, to make others doubt relationship, and to force loyalty to her alone and all of it, the manipulation and lies, continue to this day with no accountability to anyone.

Some may be wondering why I decided to post all of this. This long, long story, that to some may not seem that bad. There’s many more details that I left out. I focused on my story more than others, although I’ve spoken to many former Leaders and their stories are much the same. The theme is there’s no accountability for any of the Leaders/Elders in that church. If you don’t comply 100% you are gossiped about and forced out. The Pastor’s wife is the head honcho, and if there are ethical issues, the Word of God is set aside, and the agenda is pushed instead and the truth hidden.

Part 8: Returning equipment and Facebook comments

It took almost a month for us to get our music equipment back. They showed up on a day I was cleaning a house and I think that may have been strategically planned.

The newly Returned Elder and the Pastor’s wife showed up at the house and Geoff was kind and polite and helped them unload the equipment. As he passed the Pastor’s wife with my keyboard, he looked down to avoid hitting her with the cumbersome instrument and noticed her video recording the entire exchange on her phone. He clearly saw the video running as she had the screen facing up, with the camera towards the ground and he saw the video record running. It’s just sad that she would go to such measures, but none of this surprised me at all when he told me about it. The extremes that I’d dealt with after leaving that other church in 2009 were way worse so that was child’s play in my book.

There were a few things that they missed upon returning equipment and Geoff let them know. Eventually, it was a returned but it took a few more weeks.

Since we left...People, even one of my own team members, deleted me on Facebook right off the bat and the trend continued for months. I knew what was going on, just like the other two Elder’s wives, I knew the gossip was probably horrendous about me, just like it was about them. I can’t say I have a single real friend left from that church. There’s a few acquaintances that will still reach out and say hi whenever I run into them in public, but we’ve pretty much been cut off. Initially, there were a few men who kept in contact with Geoff and expressed how much they missed us both. It’s just sad, because for a year these people were my family, support and I poured into them with everything I had.

I had to start deleting and blocking people myself eventually. Particularly the Pastor’s wife as she was making nasty comments in response to some of our comments on facebook. A mutual friend of ours asked for praise reports on his Facebook and I responded with how God had provided a few extra jobs for me when we needed the money. The Pastor’s wife’s comment, immediately after mine, was “Praise God, He pruned our vine”. Now that was vindictive and just downright hurtful. So I took a screenshot, sent it to the Pastor in a text and explained that I’d be deleting and blocking his wife because of her hurtful conduct and I prayed that this wouldn’t be taken as offensive but for my spiritual and emotional health, at this time that I could not continue to be her friend on facebook and I prayed he understood. He never responded!

There had been numerous comments along those lines and any opportunity to make a nasty comment on either our friend’s pages or our own, she took every opportunity. So eventually we both blocked her.

The Facebook harassment rears it’s ugly head every now and again. Geoff, my beloved husband, loves to post theological stuff on facebook and occasionally it’s in response to someone from our former church, and then mysteriously the Pastor’s wife will respond to Geoff’s comments on facebook in rebuke. We have no idea what is said and honestly she shouldn’t be able to see Geoff’s comments either because we blocked her, but somehow she sees the comments and rebukes Geoff. It all just shows her heart.