Is Church Your Idol?

I promised a few weeks ago I'd post on how things have changed for me over the last few years and something I heard on the radio this morning inspired me to continue on that theme. On my daily hour plus, long drive to drop children off at their perspective schools I was listening to the Wally show on my local Christian radio station and Wally was talking about idols in our lives and it got me thinking. I can honestly say that years ago church was an idol in my life. I didn't mean to make it my idol, and many ministry leaders struggle with this because ministry at times can be all-consuming, but it became one for me, with horns, and demanded sacrifices and child offerings. This idol was encouraged, pushed and often even forced upon, and it demanded my full-time worship and sacrifice. See, in spiritually abusive churches, and with abusive leaders, the idol of church must be worshiped at all cost because without our devotion and constant attention to this idol, the church will never grow in size. Spiritual abusive leaders need worshipers to fuel their egos and to replace the constant turnover rate of the disenfranchised. In my old church turnover was a constant problem. I was never aware of how much until I left the church and started running into people who had formally attended my old church for a short time, but then left unexpectedly. Most had, at one point in time, gone to the pastor and had questioned something they didn't like, or sought advice only to get bad advice, then questioned that advice and then were asked to leave the church because they "dishonored" the pastor. Anyway...I got off topic. So church became an idol in my life. My whole existence revolved around church and this cycle of behavior was encouraged, expected and demanded of me by my pastors and even congregation members. If I wasn't at an event, I was questioned as to why. I was questioned by congregation members and reprimanded by leaders. If I came down sick, I was still expected to be there. There was only one time I missed an event... The Pastor was soon approaching his 50th birthday and a bunch of people were going to create a funny video about things to do after 50 and this video was to be presented during church. Well of course, I was expected to be there, but the night before I had broke out in terrible hives. My face and chest was a giant, itchy, red, swollen, awful, painful array of hives. There was NO WAY I was going to venture into the public eye much less be in a video! I was putting ice on my face and chest and doping myself up on large amounts of benedryl. To drive anywhere so I could be at a pool/video making party and be in the sun and outdoors would have been dangerous to other drivers and would have made the hives worsen with sun exposure. So I obviously canceled. Well, a few days after the event a good friend informed me of how the pastors son had openly bashed me during the entire event about my lack of commitment to the church and his father. That event was the ONLY event I ever missed all the time I worked there. So, you can see by sharing this story how this idol was encouraged and forced upon people. I mean I gladly and willingly took this idol into my heart. I admit that. I neglected my children, my husband, and excluded everyone I knew or ever met who were outside of my church, my idol. I was detrimental to the gospel of Jesus Christ because this idol consumed my life. So how have things changed? Well, church is no longer my idol! I don't feel guilty if I miss an event or I'm sick and need to rest at home. I no longer drag myself to church if I cannot breathe or I'm puking because I know I will be judged to have a lack of faith because I'm not walking in victory and health. I have sick days. I'm allowed to have rest and my current leaders have never guilted me into coming when I know I cannot make it. I have friends OUTSIDE the church! Previously, at my old church it was VERY frowned upon to have friends from different churches or even unsaved friends. I cannot count the number of times my friend and old worship leader (She was the worship leader at my old church for three years) was bashed, discussed with disdain, and our friendship strongly discouraged. I was even strongly encouraged and it was suggested to me that I delete all former congregation members from my facebook and myspace account(a suggestion was always an order, never optional. I'd get reprimanded if I didn't follow these suggestions). So now I'm guilt free. I can pick and choose what events I attend and there is no condemnation if I have things planned or need family time. I have had numerous sick days because of that stupid, awful and nasty flu bug that I kept catching repeatedly (thankfully winter is over now and we are all in good health). I also have friends outside my church and *gasp* some of them are non-Christians! I'm also not condemned like I once was for sharing things I struggle with and I'm allowed to be imperfect. If I have a financial, emotional or spiritual need I'm allowed to share my burdens. At my former church, I was told not to share these things because we were the leaders and if I had a need I was required to go to the pastor for these things. I just want to point out how toxic this is. If your pastor requires you as a congregation member or staff member to come to them for all theneeds you may have they are setting themselves up for them to be your source and to make you beholden to them. The times they help you will always come back as strings and attachments; a gift with strings attached. For instance, a few months after I left I received a phone call from the pastors wife and she was ranting about something that she assumed I had said or did...something about a letter...not totally sure, but in that conversation she yelled at me at how they had "fixed your babies teeth", bought me a new air conditioner (which they never did. They paid 30 bucks to have mine serviced when hubby was out of town), bought me clothes and had treated me like a daughter and how could I do this to them. I had no clue what she was talking about, but I thought it interesting how whenever they helped someone it was always with conditions and everyone knew about how they helped them. I knew very personal information about some people and how the pastor had helped them with co-signed mortgages and even helped one person avoid a tax evasion prison sentence. Help from my old pastors came with a price. Nothing was ever confidential or free. EVER! It always came with the price of unmerited absolute devotion, obedience and worship. Now I could go on and on about all the awful stories and what these people did at my old church, but I won't. Just know that these stories are NOT isolated instances. I've heard similar stories from other leaders who have been abused and congregation members...and NOT just from my old church! In fact, all the spiritual abuse stories I've heard have the same theme, that the idol of "church" must be worshiped! Total and absolute devotion to the church idol is mandated and if you don't worship the idol you are shunned and something is wrong with you, never the idol or its worshipers. I want people who read my blog to sit back, take stock and look at what is going on in their own lives and churches. Way too many of our churches are unhealthy. Now think...are any of my stories, my experiences similar in some way to what you have experienced? If so it might be time to go read Matthew chapter 7 and do some fruit inspecting of these ministries. Has "Church" been promoted as an idol in your church? Is "church" an idol in your own life? If it is, it may be high time to cast down that idol and evaluate how to not have that idol come crawling back up on that pedestal in your life. For me, that idol is no longer there. It took a great emotionally rendering event in my life to bring that idol crashing down in my life and for a long time I still sought to worship that idol by trying to find the "perfect" church in which I could become consumed in once again; all so I could feel that comfortable sense of belonging and that feeling of being needed; that they could not do without me. So, as with all my posts, and the purpose behind them, examine and evaluate. Then make a change if needed.